Instant Mom by Nia Vardalos

I really enjoyed reading this book recently, written by Nia Vardalos who wrote and starred in the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding".  After enduring approximately 8 years of failed fertility treatments, and several years of trying to adopt a child internationally, she was finally able to adopt from the American foster care system.  At the back of the book she includes a FAQ section on how to adopt which I skimmed through and it is still pretty current.  I do have to stress though, as another surviving wanted-to-be adoptive parent of the international adoption system, it is not what it used to be in the years of its highest numbers some five to ten years ago.  I am sure that you have all heard and / or know people or even maybe are someone who adopted from China, Ethiopia, Vietnam etc. in years past and well, it just isn't like it was then.  Most if not all international adoptions these days are for special needs children, and even those involve a very long wait fraught with constant worry, miscommunication and non-communication from every party you have to deal with in the chain not to mention the enormous expense.  I have a friend who just adopted a child after a six year wait, including one process that was terminated because the adoption agency gathered in all its clients and then declared bankruptcy (I was one of their clients too unfortunately).  And she is lucky compared to others who may try but will never be able to adopt due to new policies being set for international adoptions and many, many adoption agencies closing down all over the world as a result.  I can't begin to tell you how discouraging and heartbreaking it is for thousands of children and parents alike.

Anyway, if you are American, this is a generous handbook of tips for anyone aching to become a parent.

Here are some other parts of the book I loved:

• A description of her child's pre-school and the methods it uses.  I was so moved by her description of how one child was told to face another child with whom she had had a scrap with in the sandbox.  Without any further instruction than that, the two children looked at one another, and I could feel the moment when child A registered the hurt in the eyes of child B into whose eyes she had thrown some sand.  She wasn't told to say sorry, but she really was sorry when she saw what she had done and then the words just followed.  In fact as I was describing this section to my mother the other night, I literally couldn't speak for the tears that came welling up.  This is just the kind of thing that really moves me.  Empathy.

• Her description of how she sleep trained her daughter who could not sleep for even an hour at a time for many nights after she first joined the family.  Nia consulted an expert who advised her to sleep on a cot beside her daughter's bed for the first weeks, gradually moving it an inch away and then two and more and more every night until she was just outside her daughter's bedroom in the hallway.  In this way she reassured her daughter that she was there for her while gradually, eventually, regaining her own privacy and sleep.

• Her description of all that she did to accomplish her goals.  What an amazing example she is of hard work, tenacity, creativity and turning lemons into lemonade.

• I love how she describes the men in her life as being not at all like the stereotypical Hollywood men in most movies in that they are smart, kind, and loyal.  I can't remember exactly what words she used and since I already returned the book to the library I can't fact check it, but it was just another example of her honest observations and unwillingness to bend to an already established and expected pattern and instead present her own truth.

There are also plenty of really funny anecdotes of her life throughout the book,  All in all this is one of my new favorite books.